Series of eventful thinking!
Tonight, I am writing on behalf of feelings, of times and memories that I can hardly delete from a real hard drive, my brain.
It is nearly over 4 months that I have not talked to, we have not talked to. Someone I talked to for nearly 9 years.
Let me say, people refer to me as the cat, the animal. I am being compared to a cat, by a mentor, anyway, from any direction you trough a cat, it lands on his feet. I believe, emotionally, no one can tell how I feel, at times like today. A cat has no emotions!
I have recurring dreams, of my past, good times that are nothing but pain to me……they say a good memory is of good times, but mine, is only of ……..painful memories.
It would be nearly a year since she left my house. The last walk we had from my house to the subway station in the chilling hours of the day was nothing but hot steamy air on my skin.
She never liked me the way I liked her!
I can not even believe that all ended in a second, no fight, no crazy words, no nothing/ it just ended, we did no talk since. And I feel only that I am burning like a candle everyday. Some might say to me that, maybe its for the best, it was not meant to be, move one, other fishes are at the bay. How can they tell such a thing……
I am in this side of the world, in every hard day of my life, with extra hit of coldness in the winter nights, during the times that I walk home, I just say to myself, no one is waiting for you at home, no one has prepared food for you, no one is there to hold you in their arm, as she did when she was going away from this city, that memory is killing me. Yet, I say to myself, you will go through this, it is only few more years. Then again, I remember the time, that I had to make the decision and let go, I wonder if some can explain to me what does it mean, when they say, if you love her, let her go,……I can not explain it. Because it has no meaning to me, as I would say…,..if you love her, try your best to keep her.
I guess I have lost….
Tonight, I am writing on behalf of feelings, of times and memories that I can hardly delete from a real hard drive, my brain.
It is nearly over 4 months that I have not talked to, we have not talked to. Someone I talked to for nearly 9 years.
Let me say, people refer to me as the cat, the animal. I am being compared to a cat, by a mentor, anyway, from any direction you trough a cat, it lands on his feet. I believe, emotionally, no one can tell how I feel, at times like today. A cat has no emotions!
I have recurring dreams, of my past, good times that are nothing but pain to me……they say a good memory is of good times, but mine, is only of ……..painful memories.
It would be nearly a year since she left my house. The last walk we had from my house to the subway station in the chilling hours of the day was nothing but hot steamy air on my skin.
She never liked me the way I liked her!
I can not even believe that all ended in a second, no fight, no crazy words, no nothing/ it just ended, we did no talk since. And I feel only that I am burning like a candle everyday. Some might say to me that, maybe its for the best, it was not meant to be, move one, other fishes are at the bay. How can they tell such a thing……
I am in this side of the world, in every hard day of my life, with extra hit of coldness in the winter nights, during the times that I walk home, I just say to myself, no one is waiting for you at home, no one has prepared food for you, no one is there to hold you in their arm, as she did when she was going away from this city, that memory is killing me. Yet, I say to myself, you will go through this, it is only few more years. Then again, I remember the time, that I had to make the decision and let go, I wonder if some can explain to me what does it mean, when they say, if you love her, let her go,……I can not explain it. Because it has no meaning to me, as I would say…,..if you love her, try your best to keep her.
I guess I have lost….
posted by Amir at 9:16 p.m.
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