SOMEthing about coffee...just some of it!

http://www.healthambition.com/negative-effects-of-coffee/

Flatulence---re-visited! iS this real?!

Funny read….
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/anthropologists-are-afraid-ask-about-farting-180951222/

Freud

Freud, Sigmund was not only a great writer and a scientist, but also a diplomat. Although he theorized many ideas ahead of his time, I wonder what did he knew about the human mind and behaviour that he never wrote about due to diplomacy?

Have you ever

Have you ever visited one of those fast food chains, order your food, and the clerk asks you, anything else? I wonder, do they think we are stupid with an IQ of 3 that we need reminder to buy another thing, or that they are? Or that we had so much fast food that we forgot what we need to order???

I am confused .... Can't figure this out.... But very angry when I go to get coffee at drive thru and they ask .. Anything else ?

Feels good..

It feels good when your long time mentor whispers that good news are on the horizon. Don't you think?

To be or not to be...

To be or not to be. To blog or to twitte...it's going to be the question of the decade! Where is Shakespeare now?

Valentine’s and its circumstances: one of many

The story goes, as I was going home from grocery shopping, on the bus, a delightful event unfolded, I must say, it was like what you usually read in a romantic novel.

A lady comes on board and walks to the back end of the bus, where I was seating, and at first seats across me. She had a bouquet of delicate flower that she was carefully handling; it is not surprising, given that its Saint Valentine’ day and so most ladies are carrying gifts of many sort and flowers. However, something special was about to happen, as if a chain of event was revealing. As this lady was meticulously changing seats, suddenly head of a white Lilly flower from her bouquet gets detached from its stem and fells on the floor. To my surprise and her dismay, we glanced at each other, as it’s an unfortunate event. At the same time, I noticed that another girl, seating also across me, was glimpsing at the beautiful Lily that is now lying on the floor. For an instance, our gaze crossed. She was tall, blond, had a nose ring, and was talking on the phone. That was when I came to think that, would it be crazy for me to pick up this Lilly, so elegantly severed from the rest of the stem, and give it to her. I felt she liked to have it. After all it is valentine. Then I was thinking, when I pick up the Lilly to give it to her what should I say, that i noticed from your gaze that you want to have it. I thought, maybe I should say that it is only not so crazy if an elegant men “referring to myself” pick up this flower and give it to you, that you would accept it; or should I say that it is only natural for me to pick up this Lilly and give it to you given that I picked on your gaze. It was at that moment that our second gazes crossed and then back at the flower again staring at the Lilly. I noticed that her conversation on her cell phone has not diverted at the same time. Again, it was at that time that I was thinking, how could I give her this flower that I feel she is found of, without making a scene or making myself ridicule. I must say, I did not look ridicule, wearing a tie and all that [to much self-confidence I guess], but the act of picking-up the Lilly from the bus floor and giving it to her, may look beyond ridicule, not knowing her and all that. Then I asked myself, what if I am reading too much into her gaze? that suddenly I took the decision and did it. She was trilled and thanked me. The most interesting part was that when I got off the bus, roughly minutes after, and looked back at her, she waved hand at me to thank me again for the gesture, and I noticed that she was still on the phone, and I was regretting that why I did took this long to do that or didn’t initiate a conversions. Although I must say that she was on the phone for entire time that this event happened…what would have happened if she was not on the phone? I guess I will wonder about this for times to come; however, I notices that only an act is needed to make someone happy or …..you can complete the rest of it.    

What if...

What if the meaning of human life was….

Caution: The following perspective may cause major emotional discomfort to some, and please be advised that it is not meant to cause harm, but to raise awareness. It is unintended to target a particular group, sect, or audience. Please read with caution, at your own discretion. I did not meant to be pessimistic.

In both movies and in reality, I have seen what happens when humans die. For example, one dies and only after a month people starts to notice that the individual was missing. After looking for the deceased with concern, they find that the passing individual was rotten in their home and a repugnant aroma is emerging from their place of residence. In another words, when they died, they had no one to care for. 

On the other hand, I have seen people die, and over 200 people attending their funeral services, flying across cities, countries, and even continents. So many obituaries were written, and so many people visited their home after they are no longer present. I may have to speculate that they had so many acquaintances, friends and relatives. 

Why is this so? Because, if we speculate, one was friendly, informed, educated, was an extrovert, had a family, friends, social activity, and so on, but not the other one.

On a different note, if we look at animals dying, the carapace remain to be rotten, no one covers the body, no one burns it, maybe they get eaten, or dissolved by nature.

The contrast between the two species or scenarios made me to reflect. What if the meaning of human life was to be different? Different in many ways, and one way in particular, just poked my attention, that is being social. That is to be different from animals. That is where all things become emotionally distressing. What if, from the start, we are supposed to be so social and undertaking so many good deeds that after we die, the people we helped, cared for and acquainted, care for our remains. That eventually, our deceased body does not left to decay and rote alone before it has taken care of by nature. No matter how it is taken care of, put either into a coffin and buried six-feet under, burned, or any other way.

Of course, one may speculate that circumstance(s) may influence the outcome of any of the two human scenarios, but in the absence of unexpected circumstances, would these scenarios teach us something?

I wonder if we are expected to be social in order to cover our A** after we die. So after all, there is purpose in life!! Don’t you think?

10-10-10-10-10


It has been long time since I wrote. Well tonight, I have experienced something that was worth mentioning. To some, it may appear funny or childish, but to me, was a moment to remember, the year 2010-month 10, day 10, hour 10, and 10 minutes.

The 5 tens!

Touching the ground....
Have we ever wondered what happens if our feet touched the ground less than what we do now?
Just an observation I had a few days ago. I noticed that generally when we site at a table during lunchtime, during a conference, or at a meeting, majority of women cross their legs, which brings the idea that only one of their feet is touching the ground. This is not the same for men! We have both of our feet grounded!!! I wonder if this human type behaviour has to do with electrical charges! Alternatively, human balance, not in movement, but rather in perception and judgment! Therefore, on how we think and differ from each other!
It is just an observation that made me think, what does this difference in behaviour mean to or could implicates? Any idea!

The glob that is rolling..

I was looking at a kid, nearly 2 years old and already running after a soccer ball. I had to ponder on the idea that why so. I asked myself, why are we running after a round ball, for example in a soccer game, or why are we getting amused by playing with a round ball, in a basketball or handball game. Then again, I had to ask myself, are we enjoying the presence of the round ball- the roundness of the object—or is it the action of the ball, that is to roll! If the object that moves amuses us; then, when we see a car passing by—any car—we should be thrilled with so much endorphins in our veins. However, this does not seem to be the case. Subsequently, if any car-tier that is rolling –alone—should causes or induces us a trilling effect, yet again, that is not the case. Therefore, maybe we could refute both of the ideas that the roundness or the moving of the object can cause the quaver. So what is it??? Some may argue, is the money that make some to run after the ball; others may argue that it’s being preoccupied with it that invite us to run after it; or …..

Have you ever wondered why….

The other day I was watching a movie that suddenly I realized that there is a commune pattern in this movie with others I have seen. This one was about an animal that let a little kid to ride on her/his back.

After reflecting a bit and getting perspective from our life with animals, generally speaking, I realized that in real life, we also get a ride from an animal. For instance, we get a ride from dolphins, or we ride a camel, a donkey, a horse, a cow, or an elephant. After further thinking, I realized, we human categorize animals as smart or not-so-smart. For instance, we consider dolphins as very intelligent, and donkey as a lesser indigent. However, we ride both of them. We ride the elephant at the zoo, the dolphins at the aquarium or amusement parks, and the hours as a mean to entertainment.

More, after I have looked at the behavior, reminiscent of how are we starting at getting on the back of the animal to enjoy the ride, either as a pleasure or accomplishing a task or a mean of transportation; I become conscious that maybe the only animal that actually allows us to ride with him, is the camel. This can be observed when the animal actually sits on the floor so we can jump on his back for the ride.

Now that we have some perspective regarding the issue, I am going to point to one question. How is it that some animals, maybe by instinct, maybe learned, show us joy in taking us on their back for a ride?! I might be completely wrong, but in movies, I have never seen an animal being angry when allowing a kid to ride their back.

What does holiday means?

Let’s put it into perspective via examples.

A graduate student usually works long hours in a weekday and then works shorter hours on weekends, but sometimes long hours too. This can be either on site (university or work site) or from a remote station (e.g., home, library). The work can be defined as writing the grant application, writing the project’s outcome, carrying the project, or working to gain extra money to top-up his or her graduate stipend. This last, is not recommended by most graduate schools in North-American, however it is largely practised. However, the student has to work –work can be subjectively defined- long hours during a year without questioning his or her motives?

From medical perspectives, walk-in clinics are open on weekends, hospitals are not closing their door on weekends, and ambulance is working on weekends and any other holidays. Some family physicians are on call most hours of week, night shift or weekend.

The researchers are working many hours on a seven day week to complete an experiment.

And most importantly, shopping centers are open both weekends, night hours, and holidays.

This means people are working on various shifts to run this cycle going! And of course, we must not forget that there are many workaholics.

So, the main question is, if everyone is working, at least covering for weekend hours, or holidays, how would they define holiday or weekend?

I don’t know about you, but I personally prefer to take a break at least 1 day in a week.

Nothing!

All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. So what if, Jack is a dull boy to begin with!?

Imagine…..

Let’s imagine that we are seeing through a cubic box measured 5 inches by 5 inches by 5 inches. In the box, there exists a pair of lips with a crooked lipstick. On your side, there exists a ticking clock. As time goes by, the lips changes shape that adds to the abnormality of the crocked lipstick. The task is to help the lips to gain their original healthy looking situation. The difficulty lies in that we can not remove the lipstick, and time goes on.

Now, a different perspective, into the reality, the box is the skull that we can look into via imaging tools (e.g., MRI, DTI), and the lips are the brain hemispheres (left and right). Ticking clock is the life span. The lipstick is the re-presentation of a given illness (e.g., schizophrenia or a neurodegenerative illness). We know that we can see the issue, and we know, what the outcome is. Of note, we know what the task is, and we have the same limitations. Yet, we are far from solving this perplexing concern.

The triangle has 3 sides. One is the observation and acknowledgment of the situation. Two, recognition of what is at hand. Third is, solving the issue. Two sides of the triangle is covered, the third is missing? Why? How come? What is limiting us? Is it our knowledge? Is it the complexity of the issue? I am not so sure…. I think with many minds we can solve it in time, before the clock tics another 12 round! What do you think?

Life is to long to be in pain!

Is it not so amazing!?

I was looking into some pictures, that something really hit me!
Everyone on the pictures, nearly 100 of them, was smiling! There is nothing wrong with it, however, it made me to think. It made me to think that, how it is that everyone is so happy on the pictures, without bias, and that later they are either on the pills or not so happy. Of course, one might say that it is because the pictures were taken when they were in the party having fun! Nonetheless, it is an unavoidable issue. There is no single picture with a sad (a real one) face. Not that I am objecting to happy faces, but it makes me think that people are faking their feelings! Or at all hiding their sadness. I wonder why? Is this a cultural thing?! I am not so sure. Is it, just pretending?! Is it unconscious?! Is it purposeful? It is among all ages! Is this a contagious-epidemic behavior?! Why are we after all pretending or wanting to show only happy hours and on the contrary wanting to omit sad moments. Are we afraid of learning from our sad memories!? Well, I think to much. So I let you decide on this…..as I suppose we are missing something, as we don’t look at both side of the coin, to appreciate the value of it.

The paradox of rushing!

I am not sure if you had the chance to see this, but it is amazing!

Every morning hundreds of people are rushing to get to the metro (subway) and then out of it. Then they rush to catch the bus, as if waiting for the next bus, coming in 5 or 10 minutes later would change their life. I guess for some this 5 to 10 minute changes makes a difference, as time is money. However, the issue that I am bringing to light is not the money concern, but rather is the notion of time. Yes, time!

How is it possible that this hundreds of people are not so punctual and they are so late that they have to rush to catch the next bus or the metro in order to get to the preferred destination! Is this the weather? I don’t think so! Is this the family life? I don’t think so, as majority of them share the same situation! Are we lacking sleep, going to bed late at night and so we have to compensate in the morning for the missing sleep hours?! I can not be sure of it either?! So what is it that make many people to rush like this? I guess we are so joyful to go back to work environment and enjoy our working colleagues…..not sure either! Or is the assignment that intrigues us all to play in the film of life with such a hectic behavior and forget to smell the roses! Or maybe is the number of activities (grooming, getting kids ready for school, etc.) that we have to accomplish before we get to our station! So, can we say that the schooling we did, did teaches us to be punctual and organize. Although we are all rushing from metro to bus and maybe second or third bus, how come we are not all late every once in a while, knowing that the chance of missing one of the connecting bus or metro would totally alter the time we are rushing in?!

Is this our parents that they forget to teach us on this concern! I am not even sure if they have anything to do with this notion!?

So why are we in such a rush!?

Are we dealing with the right concept!

Over the decades of research and medical advancement, it is believed that people, who tend to bite on their nails, are people that endure existing stress, or are classified/diagnosed with some psychological discomfort/disorder. But I wonder if this is correct! I have a different idea! Can that be an evolutionary concept to human behavior? For instance, I think this nail biting is rather a way how human body communicate or alerts the person of body’s lack or excess of calcium. It is believed that finger nails contain microelement such as calcium and magnesium. Thus, the person just removing the peaces or chewing them down, would eventually alter (does not matter how minim) the bodily resources of this microelements.
Although, what I just wrote, may not be makeing sense to some people, and sound rather stupid, this analogy is simply a speculation.

Why the rate is going down!?

What I am about to mention, can be offending, I am not intending too, and the main idea is speculation!


I was thinking! Not that I don’t all the time! But this time, something hit me!


I once saw a movie, and something was there that made me think of this possibility today. Why do couples have fewer babies?!

In the movie, once a men told a doctor that he don’t want to be married with his girl friend, simply because he was not able to see that his to be wife, is kissing the kids, with the same mouth that he did stuff with.

I wonder if this could be the reason to our question!

In this century the rate of change of couple is high, rate of divorce is also high, the rate of having several relationship at once, although not in the light, is high! The change in the sexual acts with diversity has probably increased. I am saying probably, because maybe few decades ago, it was hidden, and today is more in the show.

So, is this the guilt that guys feel similar to what the actor said, that make the coupled, at least from the male perspective to have less child?

A poem!

A peom I wrote long time ago, maybe dates 10 years ago! It was in farsi, but this time, i have only translated the firs vers into french.

" Ce que je dis est sans effet,

Mais, que dire pour te toucher"

Electrifying fart

The electrifying fart!


I am going to talk about some cultural things, that they may not be true. But from experience, it seems something not totally far fetched.


In some culture, if by accident flatulence (having immoderate gas in the alimentary canal) occurs, as an act of politeness, an excuse line follows.

In some other cultures, flatulence is a natural thing, and if it happens, you don’t have to be ashamed about it, and you don’t have any obligation to excuse yourself.

In either cases, the smell or the noise are not factors to be considered here.Now lets look at the same situation from a relatively more scientific way.

If the flatulence is occurred, it can be explained as a metabolic by product of one’s system (from good bacteria), or intestinal bacteria (from some unwanted bacteria).

And as we have previously said that, what you smell is a particle added to a part of your body, I wonder, if someone, no matter the culture or origin, unaccustomed or habituated get involved in an act of flatulence, would want to have that particle felt by their sensors! Would you?

How beautiful is human body!

Before I go on writing, I must say, this note, the following passage is not to criticize anyone or any cult or culture. It is intended to be speculative.

It was long time ago when men, generally, preferred women with fuller-body. Today, all you see and notice is that everyone wants to be slimmer! Men or women without exception! You look around, and what you see are adds on the walls, on bus roof-tops, in the metro stations, in the newspaper, and so on, of a trimmed muscular men or young adult side tracked by a slimmer women, some times in a more showier outfits.

No offence, but this notion triggers my mind. If sick or healthy, we end up dead, so why bother with shape. But one may argue that it is not the shape, but rather being in good health that leads to such shape. But is this really true?

So let us put the idea under microscope. The notion of slimmer body, I assume comes from the era when for the first time medical doctors were working on human cadaver in the anatomy class! Let say, maybe earlier, from the time Da Vinci was sculpting, I am not so sure! But what I think happened was, in order to get to the lower layer of the body, during dissection, the medical students found it easier to reach, and so named it better body. During body cartography (anatomical atlas), then you see a man with both palms facing outward, standing straight, it was known as a better body posture. Why, maybe it was easier to manipulate. But was it healthy, back then, I have no idea, I was not there or have information on that aspect, but as far as I can think of, for those subjects to be presentable for medical show or cartography, the subject had to be poor and badly in need of money, so they can participate for such activities. Which can be extrapolated as someone that has lesser money than average people, has less focus on taking good care of them selves, which bring us to conclude that they are at that time where people of lower class or socioeconomic status. In the contrary, one may note that, maybe a medical student voluntarily posse for such activity, or even a medical doctor would do this for the sake of science. But we can note that, back then, higher education was only allowed for wealthier people.
So, is it possible that, today, after so many years of influence from the arts, medicine, and advertisement, the so called "nicer body" is equal to more bones and less meat, is based only on a myth!

I wonder!

The economy of new generation!

We are breathing air in an era in which with money many things are bought. A great example of such is the beauty, with multiple surgeries, we tend to physically go back in time and we fool ourselves of what we are and what we are planning to be. With money we buy new tools, gadgets, and microchips. The music industry is not distributing music by the mean of disks, they use CD’s. The electronic root has help to propagate music in a file, that can be stored in mini disks or storage devices, played by digital audio players, as wma, mp3’s, or real audio files, just to name a few. Documents are minimally published in journals, and they have taken a different shape in e-documents (e.g., pdf files, etc.). Saying all this is to point to the notion that we tend to shrink objects to minimize storage space. But, how come we don’t do this with regards to the money, paper money to be specific? That would definitely minimize the space we use in our wallet. Although I must say that this notion can be visualized in bigger chunk of money into credit card or ATM bank cards, but what about a $50.00 bill?

What you smell, is a particle added to a part of your body!

When you win, you loss!

Sometimes your victory is your loss, as they say it. But I have felt it all day today, and I am still feeling it!

I have been suffering all this year to get to what I am today, but I have lost!!! I can not be with my family for Christmas, New Year, or any other holidays. Have I gained the balance, or should I convince myself that by giving up on these today, I guarantee a better future! Is the balance occurs over time!?

I consider my self lucky…. Seeing both side of the normal distribution curve!

I have seen or watched the unexpected in the movies, but this few that I am going to mention, were really unique!

I have seen men, riding a bike in -20 degree centigrade. It was snowing, about 30cm of snow on the streets, and windy, I must say! Alone, in that weather I was wearing about 3 layers of cloths.

I have seen a man, biting on a 1 kg cube of feta chess, in the metro station! I am some times amazed!

2 comparisons: What is stressful!


1- It is a case of a man, losing his hair every day for more than 25 years now, and the other case, women suddenly going under breast cancer and has to go under excision of the breast. It is important to know that beauty if equally important in both genders.

2- A guy is interested in a girl. The girl is currently dating another guy, but she gives signals to the first guy. The first guy is not sure if the relationship between the second guy and the girl is over or not, so he takes his time. In the mean time, he is getting more emotional. The second case is the case of a guy wearing a ring on his right hand, in some culture it signify being engaged. There is a girl interested in the guy, but she is not sure, if the ring is for real or is simply has no signification.

How I feel this days!

If I don’t make it, it’s not for the reason that I did not tried or I did not put my 200%, it’s because it was not meant to be!

Who is the hero? Supermen?!


Well, let’s ponder upon this question!
Defending a country, by going to war against another country, another people!
Helping a lady caring her baby with carriage in the bus, yet never seeing her again!
Volunteering for pharmaceutical treatment and experimentation!
Helping cancer patients! Visiting young patients at the hospital!
Helping a baby/cat/dog out of a nearly fully burning house! Like a firemen!
A man (body guard) protects the president by intervening and so receiving the bullet in his shoulder!
Women carrying the offspring of another lady in her womb! Medically speaking let say carrying fertilized eggs!

What this entire have in commune, is that, some one is doing the sacrifice of a life. Sacrificing their own life! All this may look like an act of heroism! But, what causes this, the over ride of one’s own instinct for survivor over sacrificing it? Is there any logic in this?

Maybe if we look at the above mentioned under a different light, we get a different image. Let say, pride, money, fame, purpose, is what gives all this situations stimuli.

If this is the case, how come not everyone shares the same attitude, after all we are all human. Compare to each other, we are existing in a different environment, so all have equal chance of mutation, if we are looking at it like a species that we are. Do this people share similar genes? Do they eat the same food? And many thousand more questions?

I let you to ponder! Because I am no supermen! No hero!

I learned!


I am different than many people. When I say many, I mean maybe the 95% of them. Many people enjoy going to clubs and having lots of fun. I don’t. I am emerged in my work. When I go to clubs, I see people relentlessly drinking and acting nonchalantly bizarre. What I do in return, I watch them. It is not fun for me, and I have no enjoyment in it. I drink, it put me to sleep. I can not dance for the sake of dancing. To me dancing is seduction of the opposite sex. And I don’t want to seduce anyone at this time. I was there simply to company a friend.I think the right person will be there when I must meet them, and not at the clubs. My passion is in the changes I make to the daily living of suffering people of the mental illness. Please god, don’t take my work from me. I am not workaholic. I work many hours a day and maybe sometimes, 7 days a week. I am in a field that I am in demand, sometimes even during the night hours. But not many people dare to ask for my after hour time. They think I need to be alone and relax.

The process of finding the right wing for your life!

Let begin this way, and not the other way, a bit complicated it might sound, which I think it is, a subjective matter, marriage or finding the right wing for you life.

I am surrounded by young adults, as some might call it, around age of 25 to early 30s. Many are married, many are in the process of, and many like me, are in the search of the one that make the most suitable partner.

As my audience are mainly Persians, in this matter, I would like to elaborate on how I perceive this concept- marriage- first from a perspective of traditional values of this culture, and then elaborate to an amalgam of this and out of the country values.

I am not sure, what I am about to write is a fact, or still existent, but that is what I have perceived. So if, my perception of the situation is deviant from reality, please do not hesitate to reply, highly appreciated.

A typical Persian scenario: women is interested of the possible opposite sex, and the attempts is to get him interested and thus reaching a point that he is involved, to begin with his expenditure, and then emotional. But many will argue that it is the other way around. Fin. Or at all, it’s the guy who attempts, but let me say, that the woman has always the last word, so, if they don’t show interests, the guy can not push in the pursuit.

She will do so, till the guy is attached. So, the only way is to propose. Let me say, in the mean time, depending on the novelty of the relationship, many things happens, that I though are not that crucial to the point I am trying to reach, so they are skipped.

The guy is interested to get into a relationship that eventually leads into a marriage, traditional way, or to a long lasting relationship, the new generation or the non traditional way.
What are the things that he considers in order to select the right wing.
The argument is that, the wing concept might not be existent in either of the two part of the relationship. Then, the selection is based on criterion, for many girls, I have to say, either traditional or not, they would like a guy with money (e.g., elaborated as house, car, cash in the pocket, stable job, and into some extent, rich family), and then with personality and education.
Let look at the guys perspective, I don’t want to get to to much detail, but I think many, would want a nice looking women, then education, and personality.

Now let get to what I had in mind; form the time I wanted to write this piss of complicated concern to the point we are at.

Let say, the guy is not thinking this way.
He is actually looking for a partner to share his days/minutes/ milliseconds of his life on earth.
So that comes to the point that each member in this relationship is counted as half of the relationship, hence they complete each other. If for instance, many (not 100%) women think in the same way as the one mentioned above, then what do this two can share.
If they bout are educated, cooking, sleeping, speaking the same language, and that the sex thing is a solved issue, what this two can share, so they can be interested in each other so the relationship grows or simply continues.

Let’s put all in a balance, the guy has money, is educated, and via many short or long conversations he is judged to be a nice person; on the other hand, the girl is good looking, educated, and sweet. I wonder if this balance.

A birth day letter

I wanted to wish you happy birth day. Although it is small what I am leaving behind, it is something that I hope would make you to remember me at the time you reading this!

Knowing that I wont be with you at the time you will find this note and celebrating your birthday, yet I will be missing you, the way how you smile, how you cheer me up, the way how …..I’ll be missing you forever.

4 walls

Apart from distant memories, away from four walls of my home, I am sitting in a coffee shop not far from books, and not far from walls of high-rises.
I wonder if we are sadistic or simply ignorant to remove ourselves from familiar places such as our 4 walls to a not quite familiar but again a closed environment such as one I am just describing!
I only see one difference. That in the first 4 walls we might not be surrounded by people, yet again what difference does it make if we are shy, have limited enthusiasm, minimal interest in other people to start a communication and thus we remain in a new 4 wall, a prison that we create.
I wonder! I was about to ask my self what difference our 4 wall has to a prison, but I answered it, pleasantly and plainly.

We are free to eat at any time, to sleep when we desire, see men and women, even if we are shy to initiate a simple conversation.

I was thinking of all this that my day just began. A woman, in her late 40s started to talk to me, although I was trying to focus on my studies.
Women: what are you studying?
Me: surprised….
Women: are you preparing for an exam?
Me: yes
Women: what is your major?
Me: psychiatry
Women: what do you think of Dalai lama?
Me: surprised
Women: what do you think of his conversation with the psychologist?
Me: I am sorry; you got to be more specific!
Women: well…….
Me: after 20 minutes, still listening, but no comments, and other surrendering people watching and listening to our conversation!
Me: I said, it all depends on the wording!
Women: another 20 minutes.
Me: I was a bit interested to see where does all this conversation lead and wanted to know if she share the same value system as few I have meet in my life, I asked, where are you from?
Women: Canada.
Me: surprised, that she was not sharing the same value system as few I have met. But I was still listening attentively.
Women: so where are you from?
Me: not from hear.
Women: so where from?
Me: I have been out of the country for so long that, Canada is home.
Women: but where are coming from?
Me: well I have to say it.
Women: oh, all of you guys coming hear, such an irony! I was there you know.
Me: surprised. When, how long ago?
Women: 10 or 12 years ago. I was working as an architect for a company, and I graduated from university….
Me: listening attentively, but I was not sure where all this going, ended up in India!
Women: what do you think of India?
Me: smiling back, you got to be specific?
Women: another 20 minute later, explaining to me about the cities in Indian and how they have been named after colors.
And finally she start taking about her roommate, that she can not really associate too, because she is always in a state of counselling him. And she can not do it anymore.
And then she said, thank you and she left.
Me: it was nice chatting with you, and thinking that how am I going to catch upon my studies.

Then I was back to study, a short while, another young lady start blinking at me from corner of the room, and then she asked me to watch her stuff for her. She left, when she came back, she had a book in her hand that got my attention: “love spells”, and I told her, wow, such an interesting book, is it all practical? She smiled at me and she said something, I am not sure if it was in French or English. Then she blinked again. While this was happening, another young lady from South America sat on my side. She was trying to find a home to rent. I found that she had a hard time finding a place, I offered to help her, and she waited for me to help her, but my contact did not replied on time! So she left.
Time passed, I was involved with my book again, then the girl of the corner was leaving and she said buy to me in an unfashionable way. I was surprised. Way too surprised.

That what happens when you are out of your 4 walls, the rest of the day, well it was another story, which I am short of vocabulary to tell.

Series of eventful thinking!

Tonight, I am writing on behalf of feelings, of times and memories that I can hardly delete from a real hard drive, my brain.

It is nearly over 4 months that I have not talked to, we have not talked to. Someone I talked to for nearly 9 years.

Let me say, people refer to me as the cat, the animal. I am being compared to a cat, by a mentor, anyway, from any direction you trough a cat, it lands on his feet. I believe, emotionally, no one can tell how I feel, at times like today. A cat has no emotions!

I have recurring dreams, of my past, good times that are nothing but pain to me……they say a good memory is of good times, but mine, is only of ……..painful memories.

It would be nearly a year since she left my house. The last walk we had from my house to the subway station in the chilling hours of the day was nothing but hot steamy air on my skin.

She never liked me the way I liked her!

I can not even believe that all ended in a second, no fight, no crazy words, no nothing/ it just ended, we did no talk since. And I feel only that I am burning like a candle everyday. Some might say to me that, maybe its for the best, it was not meant to be, move one, other fishes are at the bay. How can they tell such a thing……

I am in this side of the world, in every hard day of my life, with extra hit of coldness in the winter nights, during the times that I walk home, I just say to myself, no one is waiting for you at home, no one has prepared food for you, no one is there to hold you in their arm, as she did when she was going away from this city, that memory is killing me. Yet, I say to myself, you will go through this, it is only few more years. Then again, I remember the time, that I had to make the decision and let go, I wonder if some can explain to me what does it mean, when they say, if you love her, let her go,……I can not explain it. Because it has no meaning to me, as I would say…,..if you love her, try your best to keep her.

I guess I have lost….

The night of Easter 2005.

It is time for me to re-write.

I guess I am in pain again. So I am writing. I feel the need to talk, but I don’t know how to start.
There is this emotion in me that has been pilled-up. I am not sure, if I am in love, or in state of euphoria. I am not sure, if this is something I can fix. Simply I don’t know where to start.
A long nagging pain has resurfaced. I am trying to avoid it, or simply let go of the past.
It is not easy to have a broken heart. So I read, and I work, and I hide behind all possible things that could make me to forget this past.
I want to start a new, but, I am afraid, I will be hurt again.
Forgetting about all that past, the present is nothing but complication.
I am working, but it does not seem stable. So I wonder how can I start any relationship and carry some one into this miserable life. But I am glad that I am healthy, my family are ok, but so distant away.
And my future, something that has been built on my past, and present plays a major role in it. So not to stable, and people accuse of being unstable or not fixed on one point, I wonder!

Feeling of a conversation!
I had a short chat with an acquaintance. Our minimal conversation somehow reached to the point that I had to ask how are kids, in a sense that how are the people we hang out with. He took it in a different way, as if I asked him how his kids are, he is relatively old, I have never asked, but I assume around late 30’s. His response was touching, moving.
He said, I have no kids, I am not married. It was at that point that my eyes filed with tears. I did not want him to feel how I felt, so I had to direct his attention to a different corner.
After a short while, our conversation ended and so I was back at my table with other friends. And so was when I wrote this piece.
It is hard to feel how another person is feeling lonely and that you can not do much for him. I do not mean in a sense that he is not surrounded by friends, but rather a meaningful relationship with a charming person, and if time, a family with kids. It is then that a man, a traditional man, feels completed.

One funny unexpected evening!

This is a fact, and nothing fictional.
We were on a tour in the town, basically hanging out, me and a friend. It was after we have finished our work and or study in my case. It was in the evening hours. We have contacted many of our friends, and no one was available to join us. So, we have decided to have a relaxing night and thus chill in a pizza place. The weather was not cold. No rain or cloud in the sky. After an hour of soft driving in the city, we finally stopped at this restaurant. We parked in the back parking.
We went in. waited a few minutes till we get sited. We were about to order our food that suddenly we heir a noise, something was smacked. From the windows we looked out side, and few found out some thing was different.
My friend rushed out side, and what he noticed was that a tier of a car, not ours, was fallen on his car. Wow. When they say, it was raining frogs, maybe they are right. In our case, it was raining car tier. How lucky we were…..

A relationship question?

Can a friendship between men and women turn to be a relationship? If yes, how, If no, Why not?

Melancholy:

Tonight, what I am about to mingle about, is not what I communicate to everyone usually. It is not how I feel everyday or night. It is how I can be defined.
Melancholy is simply what I am. Flight of emotions, and the sadness that I lack the vocabulary for, although most of the words associated to emotions as nothing but negative as sadness, exhaustion, or despair.
It is the time, the same as last year, but with one difference. It is almost one year since I have left my ex-life. A life with ambition, people that loved me (my family), people that some times pretended to love me, and friends. I have left them because of my selfishness; I have left people dear to me.
Today, it is almost a year, I have relatively gained what my selfishness desired, but I have nothing, have no one to open to, no one to love, or feel loved.
I have almost grown as selfless individual because I wanted to gain the maximum selfishness to be able to help others in need with a bigger magnitude. But this second, my only ambition is to survive.
Survive from my excess energy. Even in my relaxing moment I seem nothing but a super hyper working machine.
A series of things has been gathered as to develop my life path. Loneliness is defined as uniqueness, but to sadness that follows. A path, that is to higher up, but to lesser human feelings, lesser happy feelings. Am I at the right place at the right time?

I felt like writing....

It feel warm in the heart, when I need soneone to talk to, she is there.
when I need a heart to feel me, she tend to.
when all is dark, but her yes to look at,
when there is no hope, she gives it,
when there is no passion, you search in her,
when there is no voice, she whispers in to your ears,
when there is no warmth, her huggs warm your soal,
I wonder, if this person is an angle.

Question-2?


If you see this person for some time, and you know that you are emotionally involved, but one day just by coincidence you find that he/she is getting married to someone different, what would you feel, and do?

Question-1?

If you love a person, and then you are in the relationship with him, then he/she has to move to another city or give up his/her job for some years, what would you do?

The feelings

All my senses are fully active, walking in the middle of the sidewalk, sensing the smell of perfume of each individual passing by.
My steps are tad stronger and I am walking faster by the millisecond.
I see the lights changing a mile away, green, yellow, and red; and I am approaching them with an undeniable speed.
The atmosphere is like a Saturday afternoon but with a sweet taste to it. Like an animal, I taste the savour of silent damping Saturday evening approaching,
I was walking closer to my destination; the wind calmed to my despair and with my skin I was feeling the shivers of excitement of closeness.

No Comment….. and all is said!

No comment, is what I get from people after I have asked them for an answer of some value to me. Why can I not be untitled to say no comment when I am asked question of such magnitudes?

Moments:

It is unbelievable that a single moment all of my life passes in front of my eyes, just like train of memories passing, as one might say.

Something unexpected!

I am reading of this book “the master and margaritas”. This book has been given to me as a gift by a friend, that with out her, I would have never know of this interesting book and new knowledge about a country that has long existed. Just wanted to thank you.

Some thoughts!

How would you feel, if for example one day, first thing in the morning you get a news, totally unexpected. Not from or about a family member, but rather a friend. Not your boy friend of girl friend. That he or she has been diagnosed with leukemia. And his or her voice is trembling on the other side of the phone line, that she has been told of the end of her existence is expected to be in no time, at all. Suddenly you imagine your colorless friend has no one to tell of this story but you, and you are his or her only acquaintance. It is only 8 o’clock in the morning. How does it feel to be in this position for a life time, everyday getting this kind of news from patients, that you highly care for?

Enfer 98.....

"L’enfer, c’est les autres", l’enfer, c’est nous, c’est nous qui décrivons l’enfer!
Je l’aime tant, elle est mon horizon et ma chanson, alors je l’appelle. C’était vendredi après-midi. Je n’ai pu marcher sur mes pied. J’étais inquiet. Depuis quatre jours, je n’avais pas de ses nouvelles. Je l’appelle et je l’invite pour aller boire un café. Elle accepte et nous voila réunis. Elle sort de l’autobus rayonnante et, ah qu’elle est superbe. Mon coeur bat si vite. On dirait que tranquillement, je flottais sur les nuages de mon rêve. Quel sentiment!!!! Il faisait un peu froid, mais je ne le sentais pas. Au contraire, j’avais chaud. On a traversé la rue pour aller vers le café. Elle a commencé a parler, de ceci et de cela et des gens que cependant, le sujet a changé et:

 

Elle: qu’est ce que tu dis de notre relation a tes amis?

 

Tout surpris, pensant quelques instant,

Moi: tu sais très bien, et d’ailleurs devant tous nos amis, j’ai dit que nous sommes des amis. N’est ce-pas? Mais, j’ai toujours voulu plus et je te l’ai demandé, si tu était d’accord?

Moi: Et quelle étais ta réponse!

Moi:  Tu n’a pas a mes demander de sortir avec toi, tu m’as quand tu le désir.

Elle:  Je me souviens pas de te le dire ces bêtises. Et que tu n’as aucune chance.

Moi:  Bouche bée, j’ai gardé le sourire sans montrer aucun changement d’attitude.

 

Je me souvient plus du reste de notre rencontre.

 

J’ai senti mon coeur brisée par elle, je ne sais combien de fois. Que je suis patient!!! on dirait que j’ai un clou dans le pied et que je continue de marcher la-dessus. La soirée s’est terminée et on s’est dirigé vers nos maisons. J’ai attendu jusqu’a ce qu’elle parte, et je me suis dirigé vers ma maison comme un Zambie. Soudainement, j’entendue le klaxon d’une auto qui me faisait signe que le feu était vert, allons, traverse. Ca m’a pris quelques minutes pour que j’en veine a moi et que je décidé de traverser. C’est a ce moment la que j’ai senti que je suis qu’un naufrage sure une île perdue et que mon bateau a coulé. Mais je la pas fait souffrir, pourquoi donc je souffre? Une semaine a passé, on dirait que rien n’est arrivé!.....mais non, nous deux souffrirons de la conséquence de notre acte. Mais je ne lui ai pas fait mal, ou au moins c’est ce que je pense....
Voila donc l’enfer que j’ai produit avec une amour sincère.

Does really life evens out?
I once mentioned life, evens out. Yah, I guess it does. I hope to explain simply by an observation.
I was told once that, twins dies in similar situations and mostly at nearly the same time, with few minutes interval or so. When one dies first, the other feels something is missing from him, even thought they could be distant away. That is called disharmony or the “K-OS” in life.
Keeping this idea in mind, I would like to introduce you to another example. People walk in the streets and they find a similar person as to their friend. They are so similar that the perceiver tends actually to start a conversation with the not so close stranger. I guess you know what I mean, you have similarly have seen someone that resemble to one of your friends, like a mirror image. Well guess what, I think based on this possible facts, it is possible that we all have a twine of our own behaviour and shape. It sounds farfetched, does it?
Let me explain. In life, for every action there is a reaction, for every up there exist a down, good and bad, sad and happy, girl and boy, negative and positive, white and black, alive or dead, etc. to keep the balance.
So, there most be a balance in human existence. If for example I am stupid, there must be another me, any were in the world that is way to smart, so the balance remains intact. If one dies, one is born. And that is why I think, when one of the twins dies, the other dies nearly after. Although I am not sure if the statistics support this argument, I think it is a theory, a possibility.

A metaphor……
I am late for this train. You, have a good trip.
Highly heart felt sentence, as one might put it this way.

The pain in love!

I was listening to a song. It was nice. Few of my friends know of this song, singed by EBI. It is called “Delbar”. It was during this song that I was reminded of emotional situation that aroused many poets to feel and thus produce lyrics of such magnitude.
As some of the lyrics of the song says,

You are my wings, my travel friend,
I die if your shadow is not warming me,
Where are you? From which culture of city are you from? Where you
that everywhere I search, you are not there!
You are my everything, and having you is all I need.
You became my religion, I am praying to you.
With all my soul, I wrote for you, that I want you; I was searching
for you, but only you,
I have my voice, of you; I have all my poems, of you; but I don’t have
you, to bad for me.

They are beautiful, and only one is in pain from love can feel them, cherished them, and listen to them as many times as a day and night can allows them.
But love of what? Or of whom?
Is it possible to be simply in love,
but not knowing of what or for whom?

Can we be this blind from our emotions?
I guess we can, but I can not explain it……….

Samenessness

This time it is not the same…..I hope not…..I have never experienced today!

This time, it is not the same…..it wont be the same……I am not the same…..you…..are not the same!

This time, it is not the same……it is different……..I got to know you…..you got to know me!

This time, it is not the same…..you came into a different corner of my life…….it is not the same!

The feeling that exist!(2004/06/29)such a month it was?!?!?!?and still going?!?!?1

This is a bit sad

I am going to make a comparison. Some time ago, in one of my writing I mention of a situation at which you are at your last gulp of air, that your last wishes is to go back to your projects, unfinished or new ones (refer to “How would the end look like to you?”). But, I did not mention that if you are maybe just like me, your project would be to have a meal that you highly enjoy, or a special wine that you have kept in your old cupboard behind the other cups for so long, so to share it with a loved one. It could be an open wine that once stimulated your heart with love. Just remembering of the times spent loving, lovely ladies, their warmth, their passions. All that can be of the few of the last minute projects, or an ongoing project with the lover that is at your side, during this last days or minutes of your life. A lover which with so much passion hand in hand have followed you through hard and soft times of your life. She followed you through raising children and grand children, if you are lucky, of course. Keeping this in mind, I must say that I am not at that stage of my life yet, but I have experienced something that can be seen as one of the last minute things, that I shortly mentioned. So I explain.
When I was at a distant place to where I am now, I did not know that I will be moving to this new place, far from family and loved ones. I had my meal and good times with friends and all. Until the time I have found that I have to move. A major change was in store. I had no time to think of what I would like to do or eat or etc. The only thing that was in my mind was pack, happily, and has a last minute warm good-buy with friends and relatives. Time was short, maybe 48 hours. I could fit-in only few friends and lovers, but most of the close family members. Wow, nearly 200 people. I have forgotten about my self, my desire, did I? Well I have forgotten the things that I liked to eat or to drink, or to wear. I have forgotten about the last meal that my mom made for me, shame on me; I had no idea that would be the last meal I will have from that house. I so want to have her making that special recipe she used to make for me, and every time, she used to say, grow up, when I am not there, who will make this for you. Well I guess, that was the last time I was eating the food, and I am not sure when would be next.
The comparison is clear; it is not about having a wanted meal at the last minute or being with people dear to your heart and having projects with them. It is about that you have no idea of what is next, after the last minutes or days of your life. You don’t know what to expect. So 2 notion comes to my mind. First, if I don’t know where I am going next, what kind of provision would I need to bring with me. And second, if we are not sure when the major change is to occur, so we must enjoy every day, like it is the last day. Not that we must go over board, but rather appreciate what life has for us in store. I wished I could have thanked my mom, a bit differently. I am not sure if I can elaborate more on the topic, but if you have any more suggestion, let me know, I can not think of any more point at this time….

Have you ever done this and that…….

I was walking on a narrow street. I was thinking of a crowded street that suddenly I was thinking of the things that I have never done it. I regret it, I can not really tel. You will wonder why at a sudden stop, there is this change, this shift in thinking. I would say to you that I have no clear idea, but I can surly guess.
It was me thinking of the times that I wanted to thank my father for everything he has done for me. I was pondering of the times that we have first seen each other after several days of my absentees and how we have only said hello. Time flies, I was younger then, and maybe closer to the family, in distance, but my guess is that I was way distant by heart. It is now, many kilometres away, maybe older that I am really missing them, and how close I could have been to my dear family. I remember of the time when I was barely 4 years old, that my father was telling me stories so I go to sleep for the afternoon nap. I still remember that story. Every time, I was asking him to repeat the same story, again and again. Dear father, I am so sorry I have never got to thank you as much as I want to.

How would the end look like to you?

I had a warm conversation with a friend the other night over my supper time. The story goes as I am writing.
While I was eating my supper, we were conversion about reaching higher level of consciousness that he asked me the following question. Imagine you are over 80 some years old. You think your hear is beating as strong as before, and still ambitious as in your 20s. The phone rings, it is a call from hospital. It is your hospital. They enquire about you, and they ask you to rend them a visit as soon as possible.
When at hospital, the doctor mentions to you that you have to stay in the hospital for the rest of your living years. You need constant heart monitoring, you need to have an air supply attached to your nose. And most of all need a supervision of a nurse. You are suddenly diagnosed with dying of old age.
So the story goes to two different but at some point similar endings.
Either, you don’t care, because you would say that you are old enough and you had your life, you have done what you wanted to do, and accomplished as much significant things as you wanted. You had happy times as well as sad times in your life time, so you think you are ready to go, and thus you accept the final stages of preparation for “going” or some might prefer, departing.
Or either, the story goes as me and my friend mostly argued last night. You will be pissing in your pants. Oh men, am I really near the departure. I have to do this and that. I have to fix this and meet that person. I love my family, why at this time. I have not done much in my life, can I have one more week so I could finish this ongoing project. Can I have few more days to thank that particular person? Can I have a minute to say to someone I have always loved them, but never did? And when I am gone, how would other people refer to me. What would be the reminder of me in the world, in the next thousand years? Would anything of me, last in this material world?
My answer to my clever friend was not simple, but also was not complete.
He argued that only knowledge that lasts. What would be your answer? Would you be shocked?
Any way, I could not continue my food, but I was not sad, but rather perplex, at two things. Why at this time we are talking about such a topic? And so we get to the point, then what we have gained at this time?

Teaching, to teach or to be thought.

Teacher/mentor, you thought me learn to learn, to listen to listen, and to ponder. You have been there when a question emerged. You have given me tools to live to tell the tale. I don’t know how to thank you. I guess some might say, by writing this, I am. But I have two purposes in mind by writing this. First, thank you, second, ask another question. Did you think I am ready for this journey?
Asking myself this question, time after time made me to contemplate, did you thought that some other mentor, in any other shape, would teach me as you did, or should I teach others of what I have learned? Although, I think I have known little. So far, other than you, by experience, no one had taken the time to show me or teach me what I have not known, the experience of life. Maybe it is destiny. Maybe, I have to look further. So I am. I came up with the following idea. Maybe this time, my learning is in the books. Because I am not sure I am reading for teaching others, teaching myself, or a bit of both, I have decided to read this book “The Sufis” by Idries Shah. But I am not sure if the time is ripe for me to start this new chapter. Some might say, you have felt the need for a new thing, so it is ripe.
To me, life is but full of tint of colors, at this time, I see only colorless. Thank you, hope to learn more.

Is it time? How would you react?

I was looking at a picture. Imagine this; you are at an age where you have finished your studies as you are pleased. You have also got a stable job, which more or less you enjoy. And importantly and interestingly, you are in a solid marriage. And, it is for almost some years this weekend. The coincidence is that it is also the anniversary of your kid’s first birth day. Now imagine, you have got your kid a birth-day cake with a candle (# one singe) on top of it. You go closer to your kid to kiss him or her. Suddenly, he or she puts his hand in the cake and put some of it on your face, and stares at you. What is your reaction?

The Poem...
The following is a Poem I wrote long time ago, it is dated. I called it:

Time after time!

Yesterday was a nice day, I have been raised studying, getting to know people, and just like a thread in a strand, I was helping and getting help from others.

Today, it is just another day, I am growing, working, and still trying to get to know people, and just like a thread in a filament, I am helping and getting help from others.

Today is different from yesterday.

Today, I have to know a loving person.

Today, I have to acknowledge someone’s love.

Today, I can help, that love to grow.

Today, I want this love to grow.

Today, is not just another day, it is a different yesterday.

Today, I am a changed person.

Today, we all, changing, just like a thread in a filament.

Today, we learn of our mistakes.

Today, we dream about our past.

Today, we want to see the future.

Today, we want this love to last, to future.

Today, we are in love.

Today is the key to tomorrow.

Amir Ali Sepehry, 2002.

In memory of old times!

It is Friday, I am still in the lab, not organic one, but rather a graduate lab, pertains to clinical research. It is after 7:00pm.
I was hoping to get out of the research area and get closer to my own personality, close to my skin. Not that I am complaining about what I do, and people around me, but rather, it is Friday evening and I am still working.
It was then after an hour later that I remembered my undergraduate years, specially my college time.
Back few years ago, maybe about 10 years ago, friends and I working in an organic chemistry lab, after hours, and the technician was kicking us out.
It was me and another friend that we were talking about it in the bus, once left the lab, on the way home. We were neighbours. We were asking, are we going to have all Fridays working like this, late after hours, in our life? Not sure, at this time how to answer this question that we asked way back.
My friend is an endocrinologist researcher that just got married, and, I am not sure what I am yet! And I don’t know how would he be responding to this question at this time. But I know one thing that I have worked my weekends and holidays, many hours, that back then I was not dreaming of. It is more than 4 years now that I have not had a real holiday, and worked and studied weekends, not the regular hours, but rather 12 to 16 hours a day. We call that a workaholic. You are the judge.
I think many more years to come, I will still be doing this, unless……

What is that?

This time I want to write of a misery, but I can’t, I have no fingers!
I want to tell of a story, but I can not talk, lost my voice, I have lost my tongue!
I want to talk about politic, but, I don’t know of any politics and have no politics in way of talking, I have no reason! I lost it too. How, I don’t know. Ever had, don’t know. Ever had the option of gaining it, don’t know, never could see it, because I lost my eyes too!
I wonder if at all I lost them, or it has been taken away. I guess I can not tell, I can not feel the difference.
I am not even sure, how I lost them or taken away from me…. I can not even smell the burning. I guess I lost that one too……it has been cut of!
No, I am not sure how that happened, was I dreaming? Let me check, I forgot, I can not, just kidding!
I guess I was just day dreaming, such a nightmare, I hope. How can we live in such a life, in such a world?
I wonder if that scary situation exist in real life, not literally but symbolically. I can not even imagine how it would feel, you?
Think about it, it is dramatic, but have a heart and just imagine what you would do, in such a way. If only day by day, each member of your body has been severed or taken away form you while you can still feel them, again I am referring rather symbolically, how you would react.
I personally, just like the old image, close my eyes, ears, and mouth, and keep my skin covered, but I can not do much about my noise, because, if I cover it, I will eventually die. Because, just I am a living animal.

Note:

Broken heart, can mend. (Modern Talking, in Charlene).

The Love that never came back!

Yah, it has been more than a few weeks since I wrote. I had so many things to deal with. Life overall. Back to the column; this one from a novice point of view….
A Notion that highly strokes me during this few weeks was the exchange of relationship and the reaction of people.
I was observant and explicitly listening sharper than customary during my encounters with special people and stories that was mentioned to me. My surprise was the way how people react to change of relationship.
Some men are seen as “bad” and others as natural, moving on. But some remain to be the less fortunate and feel the pain of moving on by their partner. On the other hand, I have seen women, with the same situations, and that stir up some emotions in me. Women with kids-sometime 2 or more young children- being left out by their husband with no pay or any help, and they strongly survive, that is impressive. But the notion of seeing a men let go of their family like this, is disturbing my thoughts. How can that be? Is it our animal instinct? Well some will argue that the girl or the women they got married to, was just convenient and there was no love involved. I wonder again, why people would get married or lead to this sacred act so shamelessly. On the other hand, some women would argue that, they had so many fights in their relationship that it was better for the men to go, and never come back, even though it is hard to survive without help, raising few kids. Moreover, seeing their husband with someone they originally loved disappearing with another woman. Such a world we are living in!
On the other hand, in younger relationships with younger members, an argument such as I was young back then, so I was experimenting, is an outrageous comment that I have collected during few years of my life and conversations with people. But another perspective would be, how can some one with a broken heart, no, better saying shattered heart, men or women, after loving someone for many years, just let go, and go on with his or her life? I have no idea, how!!!!!

Stress!

Is it losing hair, is it getting it white, or losing a breast due to cancer. Alternatively, does stress constantly induced or felt, just by not knowing. Which one is it?
Things that we are not fully in control of, things that appears during time, during normal aging! Or is stress being single or being married. I guess this coin has two sides. Losing hair or getting it white is seen as a weakness of the genetic make-up. So do other factors. So are we aging because of our weakness, being our genetic make-up, which is our inaptness to stressful passage of time. On the other hand, is it our response to this stressor?
I am told that love, makes one blind, so being blind maybe would actually help. So being in love is the cure to this aging process. I explain, so being in love makes you blind to the event that happens near you and so is the antidote to stress. Therefore, we should age longer, or at all minimally aged.
The idea is there, but how can we prove it? I think being in love, is just one-way to figure this thing out.
I am going for onec, think that this antidote can be different than other anti-aging procedures. What do you think?

The end! How does it matter?
Controversial issues exist all over our life, but there is one that made me to reflect a bit, which is the question of after life. It is commune to many cultures that after one is deceased, they announce the dreadful non-controllable event in the newspaper. In addition, they advertise for a gathering or a ceremony for in memory of the one whom past away. And that is exactly what makes me to ponder. First hand, why do we advertise for these ceremonies in newspaper (for the most part), and second, why do we gather-up.
In response to the second question, I would say, maybe is a singe of respect we have for the dead people! Why do we respect them when they are dead as much as when they are alive, is a mystery to human nature.
In response to the first question, I would have to say; if by advertising in the media, one’s death would help to gather up more people, that would not be a respectful thing to do to the dead person, so is the problem. I elaborate, if I have friends and family members that care for me, therefore, they call me often before I pass away, and so are knowledgeable of my health state and if I am soon not being among them. But if there are people that are not close to me, and they talk to me maybe once a year, I wonder why would we need to announce my death to them. And if one explains that further, the reason for them not being to call often is because of their occupation and life style, well I would say, they have chosen to be that way, and I guess by reading the newspaper they give more time and respect to dead people than the one alive. But, if I passy away due to age factor, then family and freinds are also at the same age range and so advertising this circumstance would also add more stress to their life, saying that watch out, you are next.
So you be the judge, and make sure you respect the living and in time get and ask for the same respect from them.

Drug Interaction!

Vomiting and nausea are concerns to almost everyone enticed with it. But the concern is how to cope with these symptoms. In many countries, people receive medication from their doctor for treating these symptoms. If they take the prescribed medicine, their symptoms disappear by the time. But few think that if they take other remedies, their symptoms get relived earlier. So with accompanying medicine they try to take herbal, roots or other traditional medicine. The concern emerges at this point with drug interaction to these non-western medicines.
The example of this kind of case is for morning seekness. Women taking ginger for reliving the vomiting or nausea at the same time that they take the prescribed medicine. Some times, it works, but sometime it does not. So what can we do to control for the times that it does not?

Just think about it. The outcome of cases that it does not works and gives interaction, is not beautiful.
So think more about it!!!

The events in my day that really marked moments of it!

1- I went to the university early this morning, we had conferences, very interesting, I made contacts for future research. On my way out the university, I meet one of my high school friends that we have lost contact. It was like yesterday, when we meet. He recognized me, as well I did, very sharply. Unfortunately, he is going away for a long time, so we wont see each other anytime soon again!
2- After the encounter, I headed toward the hospital were I work. However, I have chosen a different road that usual, so I passed by my old high school, and my old neighbourhood. Old memories revised. In 10 years, not much has been changed, except me. I was older.
3- I got to the hospital, worked some hours, had more meetings, and learned a bit more about myself, but this time, more on my strength and less on my weaknesses.
4- The day was over, and I had a great conversation with my mentor, over in Vancouver.
5- I decided to organize my self for a bit more reading than usual, so I left the house at around 7pm. I was heading a coffee place so as usual to read and have an aromatic coffee. Sometimes, I take tea, it is relaxing.
6- At around 9ish, I went to this burger place for supper. I had a craving for burgers. It was then when I noticed this guy suffering from heart attack. I managed to help the guy, I guess I helped. We finally ended up talking until 11:30pm. I found that he was diagnosed with leukemia. It reminded me of my grandfather and death of my high school sweet heart. This guy was amazing, ex-cup, ex-hockey player, and I guess ex-monk as he told me. He was not that old. I learned a lot from him. Unfortunately, I had to come home and study more, and I was afraid to miss the bus, so I had to say good-bye to him, I felt he was disappointed. I hope he be ok!
7- On the way home, taking one part metro, I noticed a guy getting out the metro, but he was fully drunk, I think, and he passed out, and banged his head to the moving metro. People on the exterior of the metro, picked him up, but I am not sure if he survived form the impact and or the overdose.
Such a day it was.